dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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