On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
