I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
