I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize