is your mom at the bar?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
