omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
