Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
barbara walters just said penis...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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