Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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