I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
