they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
