Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize