You're my little dorito
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
