she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize