I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
