I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
