Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize