im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my being single is dangerous.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize