meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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