you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
