In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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