i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
