what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize