Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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