oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
