Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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