i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
