Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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