Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
