He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
