so let's talk penis.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize