so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
