he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
