Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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