take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Randomize
