32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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