There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
