when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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