Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
