the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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