I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
