we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
