Where are you?
In a non slutty way
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
