i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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