Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
