Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
