I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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