How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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