I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize