He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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