too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
