I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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