How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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