I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
