I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
