just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
