Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
