Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
