You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
