Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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