i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
