Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
