i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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