Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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