I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
