So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
