Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this beer tastes like vomit already
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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