dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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