There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
