Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
